Eyes to See

Where did you grow up?  In the suburbs, rural, or urban environment?
What is your ethnic background?  What is the ethnic make-up of your family?
What types of foods did you eat growing up?
Who were your friends and neighbors?
What values were passed on to you?

We have a problem in our nation.  There is more taking sides, division and disagreement than conversation and listening and seeking to understand.  I know I'm guilty of the same thing.  BUT, i really want to lean in.  I know that all the questions above all lead to forming us and giving us the vision or lens we have for viewing the world.  When different lenses comes in contact with another's lenses, it can either lead to curiosity and questioning or frustration or sometimes even volcanic eruptions.

When someone says something you don't understand, when someone posts something you think is offensive, or when an event happens in the news that makes you irate - press in!  Instead of being dismissive, what if you tried to take yourself out of your lens to try, even a little bit, to understand where that other person is coming from.  What has happened in their life, in the life of their family in the past few generations?  What can you learn as you listen or read or interact? 

Do certain politics or policies bother you?  Lean in!  Are there people that really bother you?  Lean in!  Do other people's choices for music or podcasts or parenting styles or financial decisions?  Lean in!  You are bothered by a generation obsessed with protesting?  Lean in!  You hear complaints about inequality (in the workplace, in schools, in history, etc)?  Lean in!

I hope that we can begin to improve our vision and work on having better eyes to see.  Maybe, just maybe, the confounding will become the teaching which will lead to the transforming of our hearts and minds and bridge the deep divides among us.  Lean in.  Look intently.  Know your lenses and be open to new ways of seeing and understanding!

DENIED

Have you ever thought what it's like to be "different"?  Particularly different from whatever is the norm in your country or city or neighborhood?  Whether it's disabled or homeless or queer or a certain ethnicity or race or super tall or__ __________________________ (fill in the blank)?

Do you ever think about what it would be like to step into other people's shoes and try to imagine what it might feel like to be them?  Perhaps those situations have even found you.

I'm a very devoted participant of national bike month.  The community I live in has a month of events including logging miles on a website.  You can win prizes, meet people, enjoy sun or headwinds or team challenges.  I spend A LOT of time on my bike in May.

Last week, I was in a typical full day of biking to and fro and came to a typical predicament.  I had to go to the bathroom.  Lots of biking = lots of drinking water.  I kept almost using bathrooms at places, but the need to lock up my heavy, big bike and get all my stuff to use a bathroom sometimes means I wait awhile before I make that choice.

I happened to be in my neighborhood, but probably almost 10 minutes from home when I remembered a non-profit, run by friends, was nearby.  I thought I'd park the bike, maybe even be able to bring it in for a moment (save locking and bringing stuff), run to the bathroom, say hi and be on my way.

I stopped and parked the bike, entered the building, and asked if I could use the restroom.  I was denied.  Restrooms aren't for the public.

Now I was dressed decently nice, probably didn't smell too bad, might have had a helmet on and was polite.  I'm also white and straight and able bodied.  All privileges I carry.  Yet I was denied.  And I wasn't upset about my being denied, per se.  I was struck by the fact that the act of going to the bathroom or entering a building is something I can typically easily participate in when many, many people cannot.  I was upset that friends and strangers experience being denied all kinds of privileges the average person would think are "certain unalienable rights" on a regular basis.  I thought about what it would feel like if you were denied access to a bathroom or certain parts of town or certain educational access or access to your heritage or land or career because of the way you look or dress or your culture or economic status.

I also wondered what I would do in the same situation.  Would I let my potentially clean bathroom (with no funds for a janitor in sight) get potentially messy and smelly or would I choose to keep the doors opened for a set group of people, in set circumstances?

I'm glad I was denied the same way others would be.  It led me to deeper empathy, compassion and a continued journey to create space and voice for those who have different access and privilege than I do.

Perhaps you'll continue to join me in this journey of learning, asking, and advocating?

highs.lows.

we do this thing at the dinner table fairly regularly where we share the highs and lows of our days.  a way to connect and get snapshots of one another's days.

i'm going to share a bit of highs and lows with you from my last few months.  i'd love to hear your own (comments!)

i always start with lows so you can end on a positive note.  not everyone would do the same...

lows:
the lows have been really low.
*the amount of overt xenophobia, racism and misogyny among others are so present in the headlines, from national leadership and swirling around in the "land of the free" in the past few months has been created fear, families torn apart, international [negative] attention and a heightened concern for my neighbors (literal, metaphorical... you name it).
*in two of the spheres i work in, there has been drama, hurt, division, confusion and new realities.  paired closely with the low mentioned above, this has been a difficult season.
*illness.  i know too many people that i love who have either been temporarily sick or have longer journeys with sickness and disease and are, in many cases, fighting for their lives.
*it has rained.  a lot.  (see highs)  but somehow being quarantined indoors can lead to insanity.  imagine what it's been like at any school nearby.  i know firsthand it's been a difficult season at our local school, due in part to the many days forced indoors.

highs:
*travel.  between family trips and work trips, i've been to arizona including the grand canyon and the santa cruz mountains and baltimore.dc.delaware.pennsylvania including a visit to my childhood home and beloved loch raven reservoir, and a few other places.  i also have upcoming trips to mississippi/alabama for a family wedding/mini-reunion, germany+ and alaska.  the adventurer in me is so, so happy.
*work arenas.  the same places that have caused turmoil have also simultaneously been places where there have been cool things happening -- more community engagement, bigger platforms, and new paradigms.  i love learning and i love connecting and i love people and all three have been happening.
*rain!  we've been in a 4 or 5 year severe drought and so far our dams and spillways have held up enough to not flood everything, everywhere.  the rain in the northern half of our state has brought the whole state probably about 90% out of any kind of drought, and that's including our desert-like big city friends (think: water-less on their own) in the southern part of the state.
*home.  i really, really, really love my family (near and far) and our neighbors.  today i'd invited a neighbor to come over to bake cookies together and hang out.  something in the works for awhile.  one of her kids filled in with translation here and there, but she was so giddy that her hopes for friendship and community have been coming to pass despite all the circumstances that made it necessary to move to this new, foreign, and strange place (having left almost literally everything besides immediate family behind).  and i was giddy that i get to be one who welcomes and helps create space for friendship and community as well as being on the receiving end: reciprocity!  one of my friends reminded me not too long ago that not everyone has these deep, rich, cross-cultural, global relationships -- they are such a gift to me and our family!

Road Trip Love

Are road trips your thing?  What about with kids?  What about if your destination is 850ish miles away and it's just you and the kidlets.

That's exactly what happened last month.  We collaborated to pack for our 8 day trip.  We drove, read, drew, listened, observed, Pokémon Go-ed, visited, ate, swam, explored, family-ed, learned, hiked, slept, hugged, obsessed (over pets & stuffed animals) and drove some more.

About halfway into the trip, I spoke with my husband who was at home working.  I warned I might keep driving to the other coast.  While I didn't actually intend to do that on that trip, it could have been awesome.

So fun to connect with family & friends!!

Now the kiddos and I hour sights set on a bigger road trip for next summer.   We talk about it here and there.

And we still play the license plate game any time we're in the car for more than 30 minutes.

If you could go anywhere on a road trip, where would you go?  Who would you take with you?  What would you do?

bearing

wondering, listening, feigning to not be sinking

in the sadness and mire

it's thick and deep 

this murk i'm swimming in

loss, schism, pain, unfaithful

unfathomable, somber

heavy, weighty

pushing down the few "F"s that surface

{feelings}

someone often said the Lord gives us burdens for people, place, circumstances

and those burdens typically feel light, or bearable

but all.at.once.  swirling.  fourteen things all at once.

gratitude makes bearing bearable

i'm thankful that i'm not alone.  that you are with.

i'm thankful that when i'm weary or afraid or uncertain or frustrated or overwhelmed, that burden is not one i bear alone

surrounded by mentors and friends and strangers and you, i become convinced that we can move forward together.  not alone, but with.

bearing.  together.

stumped the county

for a few years, i've been contemplating how amazing it could be to have the vacant lot by our house transformed into a space people on our block could enjoy.  my thoughts have mostly been centered around turning it into a community garden.
i've had moments when i've shared this rumination with neighbors or friends and even SUP students spent some time on it one year.
but it's mostly just been put on the back burner.
one of the neighbors i've told has been asking more about this recently and i talked to a person that manages the property (government worker) so there's been a little more energy about the possibilities.
i also asked at one of our recent summer block parties if everyone there would be interested in that potential use for the lot.  there was a unanimous yes.
so, i have some more partnership, some accountability and a free afternoon.
i emailed a friend who works on the non-profit level in doing something similar.  he's given us some ideas.
i did some online research to see who owns the land and got an answer.
but here's the most interesting part of this vacant property.
there are rumors about it.
one longtime neighbor said there never was a property there.  one says there was asbestos poisoning.  another says there was lead poisoning and that a child died in the house that used to be there.
here's where the mystery comes in.
according to county records, there is a house on this land that was built in 1915, complete with 3 bedrooms, 1 bath, garage square footage and all.
according to my observations and historical knowledge for the past 20+ years, there is no house.
perhaps it is invisible?
needless to say, the county assessor's office was quite perplexed, saying they would notify me if there is further information about this mystery.
this community collaborative project is unearthing all kinds of possibilities and mysteries.
stay tuned for more!

what's in your feed?

lately i've been thinking about "news"and information and its distribution.
in fact, i can't stop thinking about it.
in the past year, i've been getting lots of articles and stories and "news" that are from various people and organization's perspectives.  anything from "Stormaggedeon" (the great storm set to hit Northern California that never came) to police brutality and racism to the minimalist movement to recipes to friend's pictures to kid craft ideas.  and the source of this information i'm mostly referring to Facebook.  (and it's crazy that this has quickly become most people's primary source for news.  eeeek.)
i'm inspired and challenged and curious and angry and in awe and moved regularly.  some of what i learn or read about gets moved into conversations and lament and action, while others I just absorb or move on from.

so i've been wondering, if i'm getting these kinds of stories and posts and articles, are these the same stories showing up in my friends and even strangers' newsfeeds?  when they get online, what things are swirling around in their brains?

for those of you reading this, i'm curious: what have been some major themes in your newfeed in the past 6-12 months and how ha